If this doesn't get my ass moving, nothing will...

This is the new running playlist I made today - It will take several workouts to get through since it's about 6 hours long, but at least I won't get bored of it.
It's pretty ecclectic :-)

Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
Shattered - OAR
Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Keeps Gettin' Better - Christina Aguilera
Buttons - Pussycat Dolls
Right Kind of Wrong - Leann Rimes
Any Way You Want It - Journey
One and Only - Timbaland w/Fall Out Boy
Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Paper Planes - MIA
American Boy - Estelle w/Kanye West
Futures - Jimmy Eat World
Mr Brightside - The Killers
Cryin' - Aerosmith
Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Feel Good Inc - Gorillaz
Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
The Distance - Cake
Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
I Like It Rough - Lady Gaga
Clumsy - Fergie
How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Borderline - Madonna
This Love - Maroon 5
Cold As Ice - Foreigner
What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris
I Will Love Again - Lara Fabian
Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
I Get Around - Beach Boys
Pain - Jimmy Eat World
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Hell Yes - Alkaline Trio
Stronger - Britney Spears
When I Come Around - Green Day
I Fought the Law - The Clash
Hot and Cold - Katy Perry
Separate Ways - Journey
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe
Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Stronger - Christina Aguilera
Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
What a Wonderful World - Joey Ramone
Be Somebody - Kings of Leon
Fine Without You - Alkaline Trio
Better Off Alone - Alice Deejay
The Way I Are - Timbaland
Move Along - All-American Rejects
Just Dance - Lady Gaga
Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Whatever You Like - TI
Live Your Life - TI w/Rihanna
Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
Free Fallin - Tom Petty
Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Stronger - Kanye West
Why Bother - Weezer
Express Yourself - Madonna
Swing - Savage
One More Time - Daft Punk
So What - Pink
Bulletproof - La Roux
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World
The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
Inside Out - Eve 6
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
U & Ur Hand - Pink
This is How a Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas
Disturbia - Rihanna
Rock You Like a Hurricane - Scorpions
Crazy in Love - Beyonce w/Jay-Z
Rock the Casbah - The Clash
The Way You Move - Outkast
Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
The Good Life - Weezer
Runnin' Down a Dream - Tom Petty
You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira w/Wyclef
Rockin the Suburbs - Ben Folds
Knock-down Drag-out - Weezer
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Burnin For You - Blue Oyster Cult
Love Don't Cost a Thing - Jennifer Lopez
American Girl - Tom Petty
Turn Off the Light - Nelly Furtado
Electric Feel - MGMT
Here I Go Again - Whitesnake
Around the World - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Closer - Kings of Leon

confidence

Anyone who knows me - that is, knows me, and not just the front I put on 99% of the time - knows that I am not a confident person. At least not when it comes to appearance. Yes, I may call myself adorable twenty times a day, and wholeheartedly agree with whatever compliment someone gives me, but most of the time I am actually thinking, "Okay, obviously you are crazy, and so I should just smile and agree with you so you don't kill me."

No, I'm not kidding.

I used to have a really hard time accepting compliments, at least when it came to something physical. I'm used to being the smart girl, or the funny girl, or the nice girl. There's a Sex and the City quote from Miranda that I've actually had as my status most of the day- "Smart yes, cute sometimes, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality." That is 100% me. I am used to being noticed for my oversized personality, not my average looks. And I used to get down on myself all the time for whatever part of my face or body I was hating on any particular day. And I am sure that it was incredibly irritating.

So now? I am going with the 'fake it til you make it' school of thought. If I say it enough, I'll start to think it's true.

Lately, it's starting to work. I am getting to the point where I can look in the mirror and see the good things about myself, instead of everything I want to change. I have moments where I actually think, "Wow, I look good today!" and they are becoming more and more frequent. I can see my body changing and I am loving it.

Like I said yesterday, I'm down 21 pounds. There is still a long way to go, but I am finally really starting to see myself change. My face is a little thinner. My waist is a little trimmer. My boobs are a little smaller (NOT a bad thing). My clothes are hanging off me. I feel more comfortable in heels than I have in ages.

I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have in years.

And that, more than anything else - being healthier, going down a few sizes, looking better - is all the motivation I need to keep on going.

I may still have a tough time believing anything good people say. I'm still more comfortable accepting compliments on my sense of humor, or chart-making skills, or writing ability. I think that's just me. And that probably won't change.


There's a long way to go til I am no longer insecure about my body, and honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get there fully, but I'm on the right road. And it feels great.

Three months in!!

Ok, so I have definitely been having some issues motivating lately. For anything. (Including updating this...oops. I hadn't signed in since April and I had A LOT of unread emails...) Part of the issue is the fact that I've been working between 50-60 hours a week every week for the last two months.
Part of the issue is I'm lazy.

Also, I have been having some REALLY bad RA flare-ups recently. Including right now. Yikes :-(

But, I am still doing good - I am down 21 pounds now!

The last few weeks have been slow-going. Not having energy to get up and get to the gym lately isn't helping. My goal for this coming week is to go at least every other day. Also, I plan on finally buying some new shoes.

I also plan on buying some new clothes, because most of mine are falling off. Literally. On stairs. At work. Twice.

Very lucky no one was around either time.

I will have more soon - tomorrow I am grocery shopping and trying a couple new recipes (it's summer! I need good summer food!) WW has some ideas that sound pretty good. The only downside is that I don't have a grill, since I'm in an apartment, and some of them would be so much better grilled outside (Hawaiian chicken kabobs? Mmmmm.)

Anyway, I will let y'all know how the new recipes turn out. I found one for Pad Thai that I am excited for! Just wanted to give a quick update while I was actually thinking about it!