Saturday, August 28, 2010

5 Ways Running is Going to Kill Me

In no particular order:

*One of these days, my boobs really will knock me unconscious. I will either be concussed and not know it and die quietly in my sleep (preferable), or I will go down into oncoming traffic. It would be unfortunate, but sort of hilarious.

*The most likely way? I am totally going to snap my neck trying to check out a hot guy's ass after he runs pass in the other direction. Not even kidding. I did this today. My neck didn't snap, but I did almost run into a tree. What can I say? I have a healthy appreciation for good-lookin' men.

*I will accidentally strangle myself while trying to change songs on my MP3 player. Shut up. Running and using electronics at the same time is difficult.

*My knees will explode from too much pressure on my already-awful joints, making me fallsending me into the path of oncoming traffic.This would probably be pretty quick, so I'm thinking it's not too bad. Other than the initial, "Holy shit, my knee exploded!" freakout.

*Heart attack. I am not a little person and my lungs do not like trying to breathe during activity. There's a lot of me to carry around. The chances of this one? Should go down as I get back into shape. I don't know if I'll get that far though, since soccer starts in a couple weeks and, well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.


  1. I think you've covered the possibilities pretty well. With post-child-bearing boobs, it doesn't matter if you strap down the outside with duct tape, the inside is still going to bounce around. And hurt.

  2. Stupid boobies. They ruin everything.



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