Couch to 5k - 1.1 - 1.8 miles and I feel....well, I'm alive. That's what matters.

Well, I FINALLY started the Couch to 5k program today, like I have been meaning to for months. When I looked at the calendar and realized that the 5k I want to run is only a few months away, I figured it was time.

I did 1.8 miles, which I'm pretty impressed with. That was with 5 minute warm up, 20 minutes of interval (90 seconds walking/60 seconds running), and a 5 minute cool down.

The walking? No problem. The running? Let's just say I am pretty sure I left my lungs next to where my car was parked. I knew breathing was going to be an issue. Hopefully after a few workouts it'll start to get better. I may end up making a trip back to my doctor to get a new inhalator. I used to have one for when I worked out but I checked the expiration date on it after soccer on Friday, and I'm pretty sure if I tried to use it, it would kill me.

And of course, my knees/ankles hurt. Because of my RA, I expected it. This should ease up at least some as I continue to lose weight. Also, running a few times a week will strengthen me back up.


The big thing is that I made it through all the intervals. My confidence level going in wasn't very high - I can barely run to first base in softball, and that is a much shorter trip. But I took it slow - at a few points, especially towards the end, I'm pretty sure my jog was slower than my walk. Again, I expect that to get better the more I do this.

The C25K plan says to rest a day between workouts, which is fine. Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday is definitely manageable, especially since I don't have class those days. And I knew I didn't want to try on Fridays, since I'll be playing soccer at night and the combination might kill me!

Oh - last thing. I started a dailymile.com profile. You can find me here! Add me on there, I will need all the motivation I can get!

5 Ways Running is Going to Kill Me

In no particular order:

*One of these days, my boobs really will knock me unconscious. I will either be concussed and not know it and die quietly in my sleep (preferable), or I will go down into oncoming traffic. It would be unfortunate, but sort of hilarious.

*The most likely way? I am totally going to snap my neck trying to check out a hot guy's ass after he runs pass in the other direction. Not even kidding. I did this today. My neck didn't snap, but I did almost run into a tree. What can I say? I have a healthy appreciation for good-lookin' men.

*I will accidentally strangle myself while trying to change songs on my MP3 player. Shut up. Running and using electronics at the same time is difficult.

*My knees will explode from too much pressure on my already-awful joints, making me fallsending me into the path of oncoming traffic.This would probably be pretty quick, so I'm thinking it's not too bad. Other than the initial, "Holy shit, my knee exploded!" freakout.

*Heart attack. I am not a little person and my lungs do not like trying to breathe during activity. There's a lot of me to carry around. The chances of this one? Should go down as I get back into shape. I don't know if I'll get that far though, since soccer starts in a couple weeks and, well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.

If this doesn't get my ass moving, nothing will...

This is the new running playlist I made today - It will take several workouts to get through since it's about 6 hours long, but at least I won't get bored of it.
It's pretty ecclectic :-)

Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
Shattered - OAR
Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Keeps Gettin' Better - Christina Aguilera
Buttons - Pussycat Dolls
Right Kind of Wrong - Leann Rimes
Any Way You Want It - Journey
One and Only - Timbaland w/Fall Out Boy
Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Paper Planes - MIA
American Boy - Estelle w/Kanye West
Futures - Jimmy Eat World
Mr Brightside - The Killers
Cryin' - Aerosmith
Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Feel Good Inc - Gorillaz
Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
The Distance - Cake
Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
I Like It Rough - Lady Gaga
Clumsy - Fergie
How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Borderline - Madonna
This Love - Maroon 5
Cold As Ice - Foreigner
What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris
I Will Love Again - Lara Fabian
Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
I Get Around - Beach Boys
Pain - Jimmy Eat World
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Hell Yes - Alkaline Trio
Stronger - Britney Spears
When I Come Around - Green Day
I Fought the Law - The Clash
Hot and Cold - Katy Perry
Separate Ways - Journey
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe
Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Stronger - Christina Aguilera
Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
What a Wonderful World - Joey Ramone
Be Somebody - Kings of Leon
Fine Without You - Alkaline Trio
Better Off Alone - Alice Deejay
The Way I Are - Timbaland
Move Along - All-American Rejects
Just Dance - Lady Gaga
Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Whatever You Like - TI
Live Your Life - TI w/Rihanna
Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
Free Fallin - Tom Petty
Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Stronger - Kanye West
Why Bother - Weezer
Express Yourself - Madonna
Swing - Savage
One More Time - Daft Punk
So What - Pink
Bulletproof - La Roux
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World
The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
Inside Out - Eve 6
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
U & Ur Hand - Pink
This is How a Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas
Disturbia - Rihanna
Rock You Like a Hurricane - Scorpions
Crazy in Love - Beyonce w/Jay-Z
Rock the Casbah - The Clash
The Way You Move - Outkast
Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
The Good Life - Weezer
Runnin' Down a Dream - Tom Petty
You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira w/Wyclef
Rockin the Suburbs - Ben Folds
Knock-down Drag-out - Weezer
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Burnin For You - Blue Oyster Cult
Love Don't Cost a Thing - Jennifer Lopez
American Girl - Tom Petty
Turn Off the Light - Nelly Furtado
Electric Feel - MGMT
Here I Go Again - Whitesnake
Around the World - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Closer - Kings of Leon

confidence

Anyone who knows me - that is, knows me, and not just the front I put on 99% of the time - knows that I am not a confident person. At least not when it comes to appearance. Yes, I may call myself adorable twenty times a day, and wholeheartedly agree with whatever compliment someone gives me, but most of the time I am actually thinking, "Okay, obviously you are crazy, and so I should just smile and agree with you so you don't kill me."

No, I'm not kidding.

I used to have a really hard time accepting compliments, at least when it came to something physical. I'm used to being the smart girl, or the funny girl, or the nice girl. There's a Sex and the City quote from Miranda that I've actually had as my status most of the day- "Smart yes, cute sometimes, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality." That is 100% me. I am used to being noticed for my oversized personality, not my average looks. And I used to get down on myself all the time for whatever part of my face or body I was hating on any particular day. And I am sure that it was incredibly irritating.

So now? I am going with the 'fake it til you make it' school of thought. If I say it enough, I'll start to think it's true.

Lately, it's starting to work. I am getting to the point where I can look in the mirror and see the good things about myself, instead of everything I want to change. I have moments where I actually think, "Wow, I look good today!" and they are becoming more and more frequent. I can see my body changing and I am loving it.

Like I said yesterday, I'm down 21 pounds. There is still a long way to go, but I am finally really starting to see myself change. My face is a little thinner. My waist is a little trimmer. My boobs are a little smaller (NOT a bad thing). My clothes are hanging off me. I feel more comfortable in heels than I have in ages.

I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have in years.

And that, more than anything else - being healthier, going down a few sizes, looking better - is all the motivation I need to keep on going.

I may still have a tough time believing anything good people say. I'm still more comfortable accepting compliments on my sense of humor, or chart-making skills, or writing ability. I think that's just me. And that probably won't change.


There's a long way to go til I am no longer insecure about my body, and honestly, I don't know that I'll ever get there fully, but I'm on the right road. And it feels great.

Three months in!!

Ok, so I have definitely been having some issues motivating lately. For anything. (Including updating this...oops. I hadn't signed in since April and I had A LOT of unread emails...) Part of the issue is the fact that I've been working between 50-60 hours a week every week for the last two months.
Part of the issue is I'm lazy.

Also, I have been having some REALLY bad RA flare-ups recently. Including right now. Yikes :-(

But, I am still doing good - I am down 21 pounds now!

The last few weeks have been slow-going. Not having energy to get up and get to the gym lately isn't helping. My goal for this coming week is to go at least every other day. Also, I plan on finally buying some new shoes.

I also plan on buying some new clothes, because most of mine are falling off. Literally. On stairs. At work. Twice.

Very lucky no one was around either time.

I will have more soon - tomorrow I am grocery shopping and trying a couple new recipes (it's summer! I need good summer food!) WW has some ideas that sound pretty good. The only downside is that I don't have a grill, since I'm in an apartment, and some of them would be so much better grilled outside (Hawaiian chicken kabobs? Mmmmm.)

Anyway, I will let y'all know how the new recipes turn out. I found one for Pad Thai that I am excited for! Just wanted to give a quick update while I was actually thinking about it!

I ran! And I wasn't even being chased!

And while my boobs (and back) hurt from lots of excessive bouncing, they didn't hit me in the head and concuss me like I was afraid (Maybe cause they're shrinking! Cause I'm down 14 pounds so far!)

It's been GORGEOUS out these last few days, here in lovely metro Detroit, and I decided that I could skip the gym in favor of going for a walk/possible very slow jog outside. So I drove myself to downtown Walled Lake, a quick 3 minute drive, and decided to walk along the east side of the lake. One way, it's about 1.7 miles.

I got to the midpoint, and stopped to stretch cause my calves were definitely burning a bit. I was down by the water, and suddenly 'Eye of the Tiger' came on my playlist (FIST PUMPING!) and I was like, "Oh, what the hell," and decided to go for it. So I ran through the grass up the little hill (maybe a bad way to start off...) and back the way I came.

I made it the whole damn song running.

Sure, I was running slow. I was barely able to breathe once I slowed down. My heart was racing so fast I thought it was going to jump out of me. But I? Ran.

I walked for another five minutes or so, and then 'Mr. Brightside' came on, and that song pumps me up too, so I tried running again. I got about halfway through that song.

I was tempted to try again, but of course, at this point, my boobs were close to actually being separated from the rest of my body from flying around all willy-nilly, so I figured I'd give the poor girls a break.

But now? I know I can do it. It's gonna take a lot. I'm gonna have to work at it. But suddenly, my goal of running in the 5K I've always walked every December seems a little more attainable.

And that, to me, is everything.

Week 2: Weigh-In!!

This week I'm down 4.5 pounds! That's 11.5 total!
(Yes, I had to edit - I can't do math. I cheated myself a pound.)
Technically, it hasn't even been a week, since I switched my weigh-in day from Sunday to Friday.

This is probably the last of the quick losses, which is fine. I get that it's healthier to lose 1-2 pounds a week, rather than 5. I need it at the beginning though, to get motivated. And holy crap, am I motivated!

I've worked out for 10 days in a row now, which is unheard of for now. I'm starting to be able to push myself more and more at the gym, which is awesome.

And I can already see results. The changes are minute...almost indescribable. If you don't know every inch of my face, you might not even notice. But I can see it - my cheeks are a teeny bit less full. My jaw is a tiny bit more defined. And even better? I've started to feel a change in how my clothes fit. Nothing's falling off me yet, but I don't feel so compressed anymore.

So, ten pounds. Huge milestone. Because when you break it down, all I have to do is keep going for the next ten  pounds, and the next ten after that, and so on. And when I break down the [incredibly scary-sounding] amount I want to lose into 10 pound increments?
Suddenly I feel like it's possible. And I thinkKNOW I can do it.
Thanks for all the support, friends! It's incredibly appreciated!

The dog ate my gym shoes (and other excuses to skip the gym)

1 - My knees hurt.
2 - My hips hurt.
3 - My back hurts.
4 - My duodenum hurts.
5 - I have an awful sunburn. (This is true. If your skin cracks when you lift your arms to do something as complicated as get dressed, or brush your teeth, then maybe the gym can wait.)
6 - It's nature's special time.
7 - I really, really, really want to sit at home and watch informercials.
8 - I fell at softball and I'm bleeding profusely from the leg. (Again, this is another valid one. Biohazard.)
9 - It's too nice out.
10 - It's too cold out.
11 - It's going to take me 20 minutes just to scrape off my windshield.
12 - My sports bra broke. (INCREDIBLY valid, if you're bigger than an A-cup, which I certainly am. Bouncing through a workout? Not good.)
13 - I woke up too late.
14 - I woke up too early.
15 - My hair looks really cute today.
16 - I don't have anything to wear.
17 - It's the Sabbath.
18 - I'm just going to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's, anyway.
19 - I'm out of water bottles to take with me.
20 - The creepy guy, with the neck and back hair that creepily stares at you on the dirty machines? Has started asking you if you want to share water after your workout. You're afraid you might punch him in the throat if you have to see him again.

*********************

Typically, I am the type of person who will use any excuse to get out of doing something I'm not interested in.
Right now, I have a blister on the top of the ball of my left foot, and one on the outside of my right heel. It's making walking pretty painful.
Normally, this would be the excuse that would have me sleeping in and avoiding the gym. Which is bad, because every other time I've had an 'injury' and taken a couple days off? Yea. I never went back.
Not this time, though. I've been working through the pain - I slowed down some on the treadmill, and I tried the recumbent bike for a while this morning, figuring it would be easier on me.
I'm giving myself a gold star for still going, and not giving up.

*********************

Potentially weighing in tomorrow. I'm contemplating switching my days to Friday, so the weekend won't be as daunting. I probably won't decide til tomorrow morning. I'm excited to see either then or Sunday how I've done this week!

Week 1: Weigh-In!

Down 7 pounds this week!! The good thing about having a lot to lose, is that initially, it comes off pretty fast! I know it's just water weight, and it'll slow down in a week or two, but right now? I am dancing my fat ass off.

Now I'm going through the online recipes at Weight Watchers, and trying to figure out what I'm making this week before I head to the store - The chocolate marshmallow fudge is sounding pretty tempting...

I've discovered what my problem with workout DVDs is

I HATE having some bouncy-ass skinny bitch yelling at me, telling me what to do. I work much better alone, pushing myself to go the extra ten minutes on the treadmill, or do an extra set on the dirty machines. (If you don't know what I mean by dirty machines, check out these videos. I really feel like those machines are indecent. Thank God my new gym has them against the wall, so I don't feel like I'm putting on a disturbing show for the other gym-goers.)  The exception would be if I had a personal trainer who was mean and would yell at me to work harder. That might be good for me. But this 'You can do it, way to go! You're awesome! One more time!' bullshit makes me fucking crazy.

I did two DVDs today. The first was Yoga for Inflexible People. Now, I know some people LOVE yoga. Swear by it. Do it every day. Me? I'm not one for pretty soothing music playing in the background as some calm-voiced unseen person tells me to center myself, open my chest up, relax my throat, and soften my eyes. Bitch, my eyes were soft until I started trying to follow your earth mother instructions. What the fuck does it mean to bring your thighs back and up? Doesn't that contradict itself? And why do I care? I see what pose the chick on the screen is in. I can't get in it. I'm inflexible. That's why I bought a DVD for people who are inflexible. So no, I won't be bringing my hands all the way down to the floor when I bend forward. I'm sorry. My fat rolls get in the way. Also? When I am supposed to turn my legs to the side, keep my abdomen forward, but turn my head to look over my right shoulder? I fall over. So maybe if I ever regain my sense of balance, I'll try you again. Until then, you can stay on my shelf and leave me alone.

The second workout, Cardio Go-Go Dance, has the potential to be fun. The freaking 30 people in the background distracting me from following the instructor seemed to love it. I loved mocking the freaking 30 people and their terrible outfits. I'll admit, I liked parts of it. Until I had to do more than one thing at a time. My lack of rhythm when dancing? Definitely does not suddenly disappear when I have a fucking perky bitch telling me what to do. I can 'rock it out' with the hips, my shoulders are good at rolling (even if they were popping every time) and I am pretty fabulous at thrusting my chest forward, but once you throw in stepping forward and jumping from side to side and kicky little hand motions, you lose me. Also, it is hard to jump around and such when I'm sure my downstairs neighbors were getting ready to mutiny on my sweaty ass.

On the plus side? I definitely broke a sweat, and I feel like between the two I had a decent workout that makes up for not going to the gym today. My abs, in particular, are not loving me at the moment, but I am loving that I can feel that I have abs again.
The negatives? A few new bruises from falling over chairs and my coffee table, and all of the chest thrusting has made my boobs pretty freaking sore from bouncing every way they possibly could., including just about putting one of my eyes out.

Note to self - Perhaps two sports bras at once is the way to go.

Dear Gym- I hate it when you kick my ass. And then laugh about it. Love, Andrea.

So, post-workout, Day 2. I would do this later, but I'm not sure I'll be able to move my arms.

When my alarm went off at 4.30 this morning, I really had to fight myself to get out of bed. I think I spent at least 8 minutes arguing with myself over snoozing an extra five minutes, or just going back to bed altogether and being lazy today, or only going to the gym for a little while so I could go a little later. By the time I finished with that, it was about 4.40 and I made myself flip on my light and throw the covers off, and....well, it worked. I got ready just so I could put on my fleece to go outside, because it was freeeezing.

Did cardio first, as usual (or as usual as it can be, for being day 2...but that's how I used to do it, so I guess it still can be considered 'as usual' (and I think that's how most people do it. Isn't it? I don't know (not one to really grill people on their gym habits (this is too many parentheses (i should probably stop it now))))).
ANYWAY.
I decided to do arms/back/shoulders today, since I did legs yesterday. I started with the triceps press (that guy is super hot. HA.) and was feeling pretty good, cause apparently my triceps have not given way to jello yet.
Next machine was the biceps curl. First of all, it was not like the machines I'm used to; it was set up different (I looked for a picture, but I couldn't find one). Second of all? I wasn't lying all those times I joked about having the upper arm strength of a kitten. I couldn't even do HALF of what I was doing last summer, which was pretty discouraging. I am attributing part of that to it being a different machine that I'm not used to, but still. Frustrating. I had that issue with most of the bicep machines.
Loving the machines I have no issues on though. All the back and shoulder ones? Yea, I made them my bitch. I laughed in their damn face. I said, "You want 12 reps? Yea, I'll give you 15. You want 3 sets? I'll give you 5, and you'll take 'em all, and you'll like it. Slut." (I said this in my head, by the way. I don't need to scare the other patrons. Or the employees. At least not this soon.)

So, all in all, a pretty good workout. I know once I get through a couple weeks I'll start building my muscle back up, and I won't feel like such a damn weakling. That's one of the minor goals of this whole process, so I just have to remember not to get discouraged when I suck at things early on, and keep my eyes on the prize: being healthy and strong for the first time in my adult life.

Note to self: Try to avoid fist-pumping to 'Eye of the Tiger' in public....

It's just after 6am, and I've already worked out for an hour.
Me. Gym. Morning. Hell, even if you take the gym out of that equation, it's unheard of.

But the gym? Working out? Breaking a sweat for a reason other than heat?

I mean, let's be honest here. I certainly only like to have an increase in my heart rate during certain activities (and I think you all know what I mean ;-)), and while they can be done at a gym, it's not very encouraged.

But there I was...5am, and chugging away on the treadmill. The first few minutes were rough, but after four minutes or so, something changed....

I wish I could say that it was eye-opening. That I realized that I love working out. That I understand that exercise is an incredibly part of being healthy, and getting fit will be fantastic. That the endorphins started flowing (and endorphins make you happy. And happy people just don't kill their husbands....)

Oh no. It was way better than that.
'Eye of the Tiger' came on my playlist.
Is there anyone in the world who can hear that song and not suddenly feel the need to run up some stairs?
Yea, I didn't think so.

So that comes on, and I had two problems.
1 - That song ALWAYS makes me sing along, fist-pump, play air drums, and generally act like an asshole. Never fails. Do I really want to be known as the crazy girl at the gym? No. Not yet, anyway. Suppressing those urges? Damn near impossible. But I did it.
2 - The aforementioned need to run up some stairs? I didn't have stairs handy, but I was on a treadmill. I felt that I could run. Maybe I could have. I was walking at a pretty good clip at that point. But...and here is my secret fear...I am TERRIFIED of running on treadmills. I always think that I will end up one of those poor (and/or stupid) suckers on YouTube. You know the ones I'm talking about. The people who just fly right off. I like to think I have the common sense (or perhaps not-so-common) not to try to jump (or dance) onto a fast-moving treadmill, but still. This is me. I trip over air. A fall on a treadmill? Wouldn't be much of a shock.

Anyway, I continued walking. Quickly. And sang along in my head. But after that, the workout didn't seem too bad, and the time seemed to fly. As usual, my life is better because of music.

What's your favorite song to workout to? What gets you pumped up?

Back to Basics (An Introduction, of Sorts)

First of all, I would like to give a shoutout to one of my favorite authors, the lovely and incredibly talented Liza Palmer. The title of this blog is an homage to her second novel, Seeing Me Naked which is a fantastic read.

This summer, I plan on attending my high school's ten-year reunion. When I graduated, I was a size 10 or 12 and athletic. A decade later, I am soft in all the wrong places (but in some of the right ones as well!) I'd like to walk into the reunion at least partway back to where I was.

Over the years, I've tried any amount of diets. I've tried working out, and failed more than I've succeeded. This time, it's going to stick.

Almost five years ago I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I've recently discovered that I likely have sleep apnea. Now that carrying an extra person around has really started to affect my health, I've realized it's time for a change.

Don't get me wrong! I am fabulous, and I love myself just the way I am....just...only if I have several layers covering me up. And let's be honest - that's as much metaphorical as it is literal.

This is my story of shedding pounds, and shedding layers.

Here goes nothing...

Many years ago (okay, three) I started Weight Watchers. I did well on the program, losing about 35-40 pounds.

Three years later, it's almost all back. And I have sacrificed my health and appearance for the sake of Ben and Jerry's, which, to be honest, up until now has been an alright trade-off for me.

No more.

Last night, I re-enrolled in Weight Watchers online. Luckily, it saved my information from the last time, and I discovered I am still down from when I began (by all of 4.8 pounds, but I'm not going to turn my nose up at that).

Today? Day 1. Fresh start.